I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
