He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
