if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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