Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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