I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
