Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
