So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
