So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My feet surprised me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
