apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
