didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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