I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
