You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We are all done wearing pants today
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
