I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
