Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
