After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
