You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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