I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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