ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
