I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize