I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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