I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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