I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
NoShamevember. You game?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
