I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
