I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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