they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize