Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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