I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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