Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize