I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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