Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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