Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
