can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
