I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
