just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
