You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
