Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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