i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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