Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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