you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
