I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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