you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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