When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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