How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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