his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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