i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
