True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
