I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
