Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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