Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
