her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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