Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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