I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
