I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
