I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
