Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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