My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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