I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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