$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
