my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
