Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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