ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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