Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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