This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
