and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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