Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
