I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
