I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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