i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
