And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
