she woke up with a sticky ear
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
