You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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