oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize