My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
