It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
