Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
