What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
