You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
