when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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