i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
