i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
