Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
