He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
