Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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