someone get that fucking seahorse.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
