around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
