i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
