and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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