I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
