She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
