Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize