we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
