i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
